Ok haven’t actually updated for ages so thought I should put in at least a quick hello

basically our internet has been broken for about a month now, but totally off for about 2 weeks, hence I haven’t been bugging you all so much ;P sure you were all glad of the welcome break but any whooooooos, I’m back now so tough.

Have had a bit of a rough time recently but hopefully the world will all pick up again. Had an AWESOME night tonight with my friends :D me and my friend Lisa decided we hadn’t been hanging out much recently, so me and her, told our two other friends Carla and Kat to dress as gangster wives, and then come back to Carla’s room (its the biggest so we hijacked it) later on. Me and Lisa then dressed as gangsters and cooked them a meal :P twas just a bit of fun, but they were really impressed, and after we put on s club 7 steps and queen and danced MANICALLY for a while, then played catch with grapes, then truth or dare, was a really awesome night, and they had no idea what was going on. We just told them to dress up, come over and bring mayonnaise :P yes we are weird like that. 

Many things have made me sad which is why I am happy for cheering up ness. First thing, with internet down :( I come back on to find about five emails from my little brother, (who never emails me) saying he needed to talk to me. Called him last night and we had a really long chat, so little happier now. He split with his girlfriend, and already has 4 other women he cant decide between (lucky bugger :P) and is growing a beard :P to which my reply, exactly, was, "shave it off, shave it off, take a picture, then shave it off" My little bro has a hell of a lot of weight issues at the mo. he wants to look like the skinny little emo kids, while he is built like a rugby player. Really broad chest and shoulders (in the most uncreepy way I can describe my bros body :P) he looks about normal really, but if you see under his clothes, his ribs stick out something awful, and I hate seeing him like it. But his ex used to tell him he was fat, so I don’t think that helped. But now all his new girls keep telling him he’s got a good chest for hugs and stuff, so hopefully it’ll knock some sense into him. But he said all this to me so at least he knows himself that’s he’s hurting his body. Just wish I could be down there to help him. And hug him :P

other troubles then stems from boys, or one boy to be specific. Shy Alex (have prolly mentioned him before) any ways, he’s like my best friend here and we were getting really close before Christmas and have been since.  Then about a month ago a big group of us got rather slaughtered here. He went to his room to get something, and I followed him, and had shut the door to lean on it. He came back towards me and I was trying to open the door without turning round. He came right up and leant down and kissed me, nothing really sexy or passionate just on the lips and lingering enough for me to think, hello. Anyway he didn’t mention it in the morning or since so I’m guessing he just doesn’t remember. Then a few days later we were talking online because he’d been really down, and he told me all this deep stuff about how he really missed his ex and how he had to stay single for now or it wasn’t fair on him or the other person. Genuine discussion or gently way of letting me down, I don’t know but anyway. The convo then went a hell of a lot deeper, and I told him a LOT of shit I haven’t told a soul. I was trying to make him feel better, that someone else knew what he was going through and had felt the same kinda things he had. He seemed grateful and it was an amazing talk. Since then he has continually made little digs about it. Which basically took me a long long long way down. I ended up getting extreeeemly drunk, passing out in the garden, and then blubbing the whole mess out to another friend (who has a hell of a lot of her own problems going on at the mo and I really shouldn’t have burdened her) while watching Chicago (don’t know why that is relevant, just wanted to say AWESOME film :D)

I then had a go at Alex a day or two later basically telling him exactly how he made me feel and he has eased off, and basically has been being a lot more friendly and touchy feely and stuff with me. Making me again think hello. Then I find out, after him saying that he wants to stay single, and me not doing anything because I didn’t want to pressure him or make him feel uncomfortable, that he has kissed one girl, kissed another the next day, then decided he wanted to go back to the first. So now I’m left with nothing but feeling like crap, and that I’ve put all this feeling and trust into a guy who is basically a cock. But as I said above my mates are AWESOME so :D good times :D:D:D:D:D

I’ve done some stupid stuff in my life, and did some more about a week ago. Self-harming is NOT NOT NOT the way to go peeps, however Alex harming is :D he said he’d never been hit by a girl, so I offered, think he only expected a love tap. He’s gonna have a hand mark on his face for a while :P never offer to let an angry girl slap you. But I’m not gonna let him get me down. I’m always a positive person (the world’s most optimistic pessimist. I know the worlds gonna end but I’m rather jolly about it :P) and I let totally the wrong person get to close. But life moves onwards and upwards and happiness reigns. :D except I have a throat infection and have been throwing up for three days.  (Have kept down food tonight though :D potato’s, carbs are totally the way to go, screw the diet). But I did buy a tee shirt with little faces of cookie monster all over it. And an antique looking pendant necklace thing, which you pop a little button on the top and it’s a watch inside :D from Portobello market.  Seee life always has a way of evening out :D The big stuff my get me down, but it is the tiny little things which make me oh so happy :D:D:D:D

Anyway this is a rather long rant, anything else I’ve failed to ask let me knowwwwwwness for I feel you may be bored by my typing voice by now :P So I shall buggereth offeth, but if you have read this far, kudos and cookies and *hugs*  LOVES YOU ALLLLLLL

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